Six Month Mark

       I cannot believe that Ben is already six months old! When I was pregnant, each week went by so fast; every day since placement has been so long. I can remember everything like it was just yesterday, and if I begin to forget, I have my journal to help all the memories flood back.

       The desire to see Ben is strong, and sometimes completely overwhelming. My heart aches every day because this huge part of me is so far away from my love and my protection. His parents are so good about sending me pictures when I request them, and telling me cute stories about him and how he is developing. Apparently, instead of napping, he rolls around in his crib. He always looks so, incredibly happy.

       I've had a job now for three months, plus some big photography experiences; I thought I would be busy enough to keep my mind off of missing sweet baby. Looks like no matter what, he'll always be there in the back of my head with all these "what if...?" questions circling around him. It's truly agonizing. The pain has not dissipated in the slightest.

 

Ben's birthfather's parents bought him some toys, and they
turned out to be Ben's favorite.