Change of Plans...

I just want to start out by saying, my mouse died while writing this, and using a touch pad is a lot more difficult then I remember. 

I’m at a moment in my life where the choices are finally mine to make, and I keep searching for someone else to make them for me. I’ve never held reigns with this much responsibility before, and moving is a huge jump to take that can have major consequences. I’m trying to keep myself busy, trying to find excuses to stay, looking around at the people I know and silently pleading for one of them to love me enough to beg me to stay.

Nope.

Today is a perfect example of my ridiculous reality. I’m one of those people that is never late, I have a calendar on my phone that is gospel, and I will always arrive at least two minutes early to ensure I don’t have to deal with the tension of feeling late. I make plans, I keep them. I don’t remember ever canceling plans, especially the day of.

Today, I had two wonderful things I was going to be able to do: go to Coulon and talk to Andrew about something (I still have no idea what,) where I was going to arrive early and take pictures on my 35mm film Minolta, and the second thing was to hang out with my friend, let’s call him A2, who was my boyfriend for a week in January before he dumped me for no apparent reason. But it’s okay, I’ve gotten two self-help books since then that I read religiously.

Basically, they both canceled on me, TODAY, THE DAY OF. I understand that not everyone cares about schedules, or they leave things up to their current mood (which is BS) but I mean, am I not even worth the respect of either more notice, or perhaps keeping the plans despite your mood because hey, they might actually matter to me? I’ve been looking forward to my hang out with A2 all week, because I still really, really like him! I took him out to dinner on Monday and he was the one to ask me to hang out later in the week, and I was stupid enough to get all excited thinking, “Oh my goodness, A2 himself actually wants to be with little, inadequate, me.” Lol, NOT.

So, in my misery, I started looking at jobs at a Kroger company store called Fry’s in Arizona; turns out they’re hiring. So, now that it looks like I’ll easily have a job lined up, moving should be pretty simple; I’ll just live with Jen for a bit until I’m settled into my new reality and then I’ll be off, alone, but being solely me. And it shouldn’t bother people up here too much, it’s not like they want to be with me when I’m a 3 minute drive away, so what’s another 1,113.81 miles?