This past week, I was able to go camping with best friend Rachel and her boyfriend Cameron (who I've known since high school.) He found a great spot out in Carnation for us to spend our 3 days - 2 nights near the Tolt and Snoqualmie rivers.
It was so fun getting away from it all, even though we didn't fully disconnect. Being out in nature is such an amazing reset button. We had all day to talk about anything besides work! Weird fact about me: I LOVE climbing trees. So Rachel always held my camera while I messed around.
And then comes the blind date. My other best friend Shaleena has been pretty adamant about me leaving my ex in the dust. She went on a walk with me a couple weeks ago and was telling me about how much it sucks watching me constantly be in pain for something he had done, and yet I still was choosing to be around him, that I wasn't respecting myself enough to get out and be out. Same speech I've heard from everyone, but it was so heart-wrenching seeing how much it stressed her out that I wouldn't help myself. She ended up talking with her boyfriend (my coworker) about it, and he decided to set me up with one of his friends on a blind date. And it was incredible. I haven't had that much fun EVER. Dinner + drinks + bowling with the three of them was such perfection. And the guy was just the nicest person ever.
But then... Remember from my last post that God/Karma/Life always has to come in to make sure you're not happy. Shaleena and I had to pee like 3 different times at the bowling alley, and one of the times, there was a sweet Mexican baby getting changed. As I was waiting, I was just admiring this sweet baby and listening to his mother speak to him in Spanish. And then I couldn't handle it anymore; I had to get out of there. Shaleena came rushing out after me and I just stood there and cried for a good 5 minutes while she hugged me. There is a trigger every day that just hits me a little too hard to hold in. It felt so good to have a shoulder to cry on though, someone who doesn't make me apologize for feeling what I feel, someone who validates my emotions, but then also helps me pull it together and keep living in the now instead of the constant "what ifs?" that will never be answered.
I miss my sweet mexi-baby so much. It is agonizing. I want to see him so bad, but it has only been a month so I can't ask. And anyway, I want to hold him how I remember him, as a fresh newborn.
I've been having such horrible nightmares about losing Ben. And I want them to stop and they just don't. So I tried melatonin so I wouldn't have time to think about horrible things before I went to sleep and nothing works.
In better news though, I got professional pictures of me done by Poppi Photography. SHE IS SO AMAZING. I know I'm not ugly or anything, but she made me feel and look so stunning in every shot. And she's so kind and knowledgeable. Basically, that session was a small piece of heaven.
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| By Poppi Photography |
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| By Poppi Photography |
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| By Poppi Photography |
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